Of Turks and Coffee
by Crystal Amaris
Summary: What happens when you give Reno coffee. Probably the exact opposite of what you think. Non-Yaoi


A

A.N.- So... Let me give you guys a quick headsup. I am seriously addicted to FF7 right now. Blame it on Crisis Core... it's what I've been playing. But playing CC made me borrow my brother-in-law's original FF7 and give it a try again. Also made me sit down and watch Advent Children several times. So... while doing all this, it got me thinking. Reno's naturally hyper... in his own scary way. Alot of people in the fanfiction world say he drinks alcohol and coffee, and that he curses. I can accept the alcohol and and cursing, but hearing the coffee made me think about myself. I am also naturally hyper. To me, coffee is a depressent. It puts me to sleep, basically... I could be wrong, but I think a good lot of people that are naturally hyper don't drink coffee because it makes them sleepy. Okay... severly long author's note... gomen ne. Based during the original game at some random point that's unknown.

Disclaimer- I don't own FF7. Square Enix does. Though if I did... drool

Warning- Rated G. Nothing explicit at all. That's it! No yaoi! Can you believe it? OMG! CA's writing a story that's not multi chaptered and has no yaoi! Yes... I am a yaoi fan, but I couldn't seem to squeeze any yaoi into this. It's supposed to be humourous... lest I hope it is. It was humorous to me...

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Of Turks and Coffee

by crystalamaris (formally known as crystaladept)

Coffee seemed to be a daily thing in the Turk office. Tseng practically breathed the stuff. Guess with your own personal coffee maker, it happens. The rest of the Turks seemed to make frequint trips down the hall to the coffee maker in the lounge. It was a rule. The person that finishes the pot had to prep a new one. They went through half a jar of coffee a day. Usually for the meetings, Rude would fix the coffee for everyone. He had everything memorized and did it perfectly. Tseng liked his straight black. Elena liked two creams and two sugars. Reno didn't drink coffee. Orange juice or what ever juice they had went to him. And Rude himself liked his with one cream, no sugar. It wasn't always going to be that way, though.

It was one day that Tseng called a meeting with his Turks that Rude got sent half way across the Shinra building for some paperwork and would be late to the meeting. Elena, being eager to please as she is, volunteered to make the coffee in Rude's stead. She was already bouncing out the door and didn't hear Tseng tell her not to give coffee to Reno.

The redhead, at that moment, was picking up rubberbands and aimming them at a picture of Heidegger. After the third shot, the glass around the picture shattered. This caused Reno to renew his shooting at the picture, now that it wasn't protected. It didn't take long before the picture was shredded. Tseng watched all this, knowing not to get in the way or Reno would pick another target. Besides, Tseng didn't like Heidegger any more then anyone else. He probably would've done the same thing if he was sitting at the table directly across from the picture. _Save for I could've done it in fewer shots._ Tseng mused, sitting forward. He was suddenly glad he had those pictures duplicated. Heidegger would thow a fit if he saw it.

At that moment, Rude came rushing in, his arms full of papers.

"Am I late?"

"Nope, right on time, yo," Reno muttered looking for another target.

"Elena went for coffee. She'll be back in a second," stated Tseng, shifting through the pile of papers deposited in front of him.

"You warned her about Reno, right?"

"I tried, but I'm not sure she heard me."

"Great... Let's give her the benifit of the doubt. Maybe she'll notice the note above the coffee maker."

"We can only hope." Rude took his seat just as Elena came in, balancing a tray of cups with lids. Moving around the table, she set one infront of each spot, before leaning the tray against her chair and sitting. All three of them grabbed a pad of paper and a pen as Tseng stood up and walked to a graph set on the wall. From Rude position, he could see that his partner had started drawing on his paper instead of taking notes. Even Elena was doodeling... hearts, from what he could tell, around the border of the paper. She was taking notes, at least.

Reno was bored. He hated this meeting. It only happened once a month, but all Tseng talked about was crime and injuries. It got a little repetitive after a while. He'd always wind up repremanded due to some sort of mistake during a mission. Elena would wind up praised, but warned about her eagerness to do things. Rude would be told to carry on, and attempt to keep Reno under control. Reno grinned, adding flames coming out of the mouth of the stick figure Tseng he drew. Glancing at the clock, he decided that the meeting would probably last another half an hour. Plenty of time for another pictures. Maybe of Heidegger getting blown up by something rather random. A malboro was scetched quickly on the paper. While Reno sucked at drawing humans, he exceled at drawing monsters. Oddly enough, Heidegger came out normal looking. He took a good swig of the drink in front of him, prepared for orange or apple juice, or even milk like Rude always gave him. Instead, it was sweet, and strong. He took another swallow, trying to figure out was it was. It was warm and left a nice sensation in his stomach. Taking a whif of it, he came to the conclusion that it was coffee. _Great... Elena doesn't know about me and coffee._ Pushing the cup aside, he prayed that he didn't drink enough to effect him, or at least that it wouldn't take effect until after the meeting so he could hide in his office and pass out until the coffee wore off. Looking around, he tried finding something to keep him entertained. No good. His eye sight was already going blurry. Blinking, he tried focusing on Tseng. _Che... why bother._ Closing his eyes, he let his head fall to the table, knocking over his coffee in the process and causing the other three in the room to jump.

That day, three Shinra worker went to the hospital with bullet wounds in various spots.

Rude bent over Reno, who was happily drooling on the table. Miraculously, the coffee was flowing away from his red hair, and slowly dripping to the floor. Tseng holstered his gun and stared at the three holes in the wall directly behind where Reno was passed out.

"I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you gave Reno coffee," Tseng stated, sitting down and rubbing his temples.

"Two cream and three sugar," Elena replied, suddenly looking worried. "Is he alright?"

"Coffee. Makes him pass out." said Rude, shifting his partner into a sitting position. Tseng shook his head, already digging into a stash of pain killers he had hiding.

"Because Reno's naturally hyper, the coffee is an overdose. It sends his blood system haywire and it's automatic reaction is to make Reno pass out until it wears off. We learned about Reno and coffee about a year and a half ago, before you started. Usually, we give him orange juice or apple juice. The 100 juice type. Nothing with extra sugar." Elena blinked and stared at the sleeping Reno. At that moment, she made a mental note never to give him coffee.

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A.N.- I am sorry... This was supposed to be humorous but it ran away from me. I'm thinking of a sequal... but I can gurantee that it'll be sad.


End file.
